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Series 4 Cycle 2
Director: John Blanchard, John Bell (2nd unit)
Head Writers: Dave Thomas
Writers: Dick Blasucci, Paul Flaherty, Mike Short, Bob Dolman, John McAndrew, Mert Rich, Doug Steckler, Jeffrey Barron
Producers: Andrew Alexander, Barry Sand, Patrick Whitley
SCTV now begins its programming day. Yes, SCTV is still on the air. Starring John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Rick Moranis, Catherine O'Hara and Dave Thomas. Welcome to SCTV!
Narrator - staff announcer (Robert Corness)
Cycle 2 was produced for NBC's 1981-82 season, kicking off in October of '81. For the new season, the 90 was dropped from the name and the show became SCTV Network. The show also received a bit of a facelift - a new generic opening, theme music by Ira Newborn, new staff announcer Robert Corness, and new logos and bumper graphics. Sets were changed as well - Guy now has a large wood-panelled office.
It is a superb set of shows, featuring among the finest wraparound concept episodes in CCCP1, Zontar, The Godfather, and the Staff Christmas Party.
*In January 1982, NBC aired three compilation specials with repeats from previous shows billed as The Best of SCTV. The two last shows in the cycle also feature an SCTV Classics segment of repeats to end the show. This heavy use of repeats was then used as a plot element in the first show of cycle 3.
Best of the Best: CCCP1, Zontar, The Godfather, SCTV Staff Christmas Party
Emmy nomination: outstanding individual achievement - creative special achievement (Alex Tkach, Michael Gross, and Wayne Schneider (graphic artists))
 The Russians hijack SCTV's satellite signal and beam Russian programming to America; in response, Guy enlists Red Rooster (based on oil well blowout firefighter Red Adair), Dr Tongue and Woody Tobias to get the airwaves back. Also includes the superb Perry Como promo sketch, used as the clip at the Emmy awards, and the excellent parody of The Jazz Singer featuring Al Jarreau.
Additional Viewing: The Russian wrap includes elements of Fail-Safe and Dr Strangelove. The Jazz Singer is a parody of the 1980 version of The Jazz Singer.
Syndication Note: Perry Como was edited in syndication; some of the CCP1 wraparound material was also edited. Eskimo Arts was cut.
DVD Note: Perry Como is the edited syndicated version. The Cruisin' Gourmet music has been replaced; in doing so, a cue was missed (after "The bird is dead") and the laugh track has been replaced with a different (and much worse) one. The end credits music has been replaced with the generic theme.
1 Promo: Perry Como Still Alive 115
Perry Como is still alive ("Fame", "Celebration Time", "I Will Survive", "What Did I Love For", "I Love the Nightlife"). "Don't hurry."
Perry Como - Levy; Backup singers - Martin, extra; Juul Haalmeyer Dancers - Juul Haalmeyer, Moranis, Dick Blasucci, Doug Steckler, Bob Dolman, extras; Members of audience - Candy, Thomas, Moranis, Flaherty, extra; people milling about in lobby - producer Barry Sand, crew; Announcer - Moranis;
2 Commercial: Tammy Bakker for Mayberline Mascara 112
Whether she's working backstage, preaching, or singing, she can't go without her super-thick industrial mascara. 'It works like a miracle.'
Tammy Bakker - O'Hara; crew - extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Julius Caesar "SCTV presents the Johnny LaRue production of Caesar, live tonight on SCTV." announcer - Network 90 staff announcer
3 Promo: Benny Hill Street Blues 104
Benny Hill meets Hill Street Blues, complete with Thames television sign off.
Benny Hill - Thomas; Cop - Flaherty; Cops, tarts - extras; announcer - Thomas
4 Great White North: Economics 148
Bob's got a frog in his throat. Economics - it's about what you do when you got so many empties you can't fit them all in the truck.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
5 Promo: Way to Go, Woman!: Mother Theresa 102
Lola's series on influential women. This week, Lola has an insightful interview with Mother Theresa and roughs it in India.
Lola Heatherton - O'Hara; Mother Theresa - Martin; announcer - Thomas; various poor people - extras
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV, the only comedy network." announcer - Network 90 staff announcer
6 Julius Caesar Part 1 115
Sponsored by Marcos Satisfaction Jewelers. Bobby Bittman as Caesar starts ad-libbing when the signal is interrupted.
Announcer - Thomas; Bobby Bittman as Caesar - Levy; Johnny LaRue as Pluto - Candy; Conspirator - Flaherty; Casta - Moranis; Hag - Martin; Senators - Thomas, extras
7 Signal Breakup/CCCP1 Bumper 115
3CP1 on your dial, Russian television.
Announcer - Moranis
8 Today Is Moscow 115
Ivan and Valeri welcome new viewers in Melonville. Valeri has new shoes. Irena has the G.U.M. Report: the home dentistry drill. The minicam motor burns out.
Valeri Cometsky - Moranis; Ivan Mahailov - Thomas; Irena Zoyusha - Martin; workers, camera workers - extras
CCCP1 BUMPER "Do not adjust your set. This is 3CP1." announcer - Moranis
6a Julius Caesar Part 2 115
Bobby and Johnny are arguing when SCTV's signal comes back. Outraged by the invasion of American airspace by "Iranian amateurs," Bobby stops the show and walks off.
Bobby Bittman as Caesar - Levy; Johnny LaRue as Pluto - Candy; Conspirator - Flaherty; Casta - Moranis; Hag - Martin; Senators - Thomas, extras
BUMPER "The comedy continues on SCTV right after this." announcer - Network 90 staff announcer
9 Russian Wrap Part 1: Guy's Office 115
Caballero wants LaRue to take the fall for the Caesar screw up, but is interrupted when CCCP 1 returns. LaRue flees.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Johnny LaRue - Candy
7 Signal Breakup/CCCP1 Bumper 115
3CP1, Russian television.
Announcer - Moranis
10 Uposcrabblenyk 116
Anna comes up with a 28 letter word for dog, but loses on a technicality. The prize: qualifying for an earlier delivery date for a Russian automobile.
Host: Nikolas Harmelov - Moranis; Victor Kametsky - Levy; Anna Petrovich - O'Hara
CCCP1 BUMPER "3CP1 on your dial, Moscow television." announcer - Moranis
11 What Fits Into Russia 115
Feliks puts Argentina, Australia and Texas into Russia.
Host: Feliks Dzerzninsky (Deshinrinsky) - Thomas
12 PSA: Uzbecks 115
Beware of the ones who would undermine Mother Russia. "Mother Russia Cares."
Uzbecks - extras; Announcer - Russian staff announcer
CCCP1 BUMPER "3CP1 on your dial, Moscow television." announcer - Moranis
9a Russian Wrap Part 2: Guy's Office 115
SCTV's signal returns (Melvin and Howards is on). Guy phones NBC for help, but they want to wait and see the overnights on the Russian shows.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Secretary - Moranis; Second secretary - Candy; NBC people - Moranis, Candy
BUMPER Promo: The Jazz Singer "The Jazz Singer starring Al Jarreau, tonight's SCTV Movie of the Week." announcer - staff announcer
13 SCTV Movie Of the Week: The Jazz Singer with Al Jarreau 102
In the studio, Sid lays down some tracks with Yissel, his adoptive son ('We're In this Love Together'). After the take, however, Yissel says he has to go to the synagogue - he doesn't want to be a soul singer, he wants to be a cantor. Retiring Cantor Silvers introduces Yissel to the Rabbi. Back home, he argues with his father, and Sid renounces him. Rabbi Knish (all the way from San Francisco) visits Sid, who is in the studio with Linda McCartney. The Rabbi relates a story to try and persuade Sid to show up at Temple Beth Blasucci for Yissel's first night.
Sid Dithers - Levy; Yissel Dithers - Al Jarreau; Engineer - Paul Flaherty; Linda McCartney - O'Hara; Rabbi Knish - Flaherty; Phil Silvers as Cantor Silvers - Moranis; congregation - extras; announcer - staff announcer
14 The Cruisin' Gourmet (R3) 116
The Gourmet is interrupted by CCCP 1.
Al Pacino - Thomas; Announcer - staff announcer
Signal Breakup/CCCP1 Bumper "3CP1, Russian television." announcer - Moranis116
15 Promo: Hey, Giorgy! 116
Giorgy helps the good people of Russia.
Giorgy - Candy; Comrade with Car - Moranis; Arguing couple - Flaherty, Martin; Comrade - Thomas; Uzbeks - Doug Steckler, extras; simple happy Russians - extras; Announcer - Thomas
16 Commercial: Strelnokoff Vodka 115
Strelnokoff, when work is done. (Note: theme is an old Miller Beer jingle.)
Igor - Levy; Workers, police, Waitress - extras; Announcer - Thomas; Worker chorus - Thomas, Moranis, Levy; Uzbecks - extras
17 Promo: Tibor's Tractor 115
Tibor's Tractor is actually Kruschev reincarnated.
Tibor - Moranis; Party members - Candy, Martin; Tractor - John McAndrew; Announcer - Thomas
CCCP1 BUMPER "This is 3CP1, Russian television." announcer - Moranis
9b Russian Wrap Part 3: Control Center 116
Red examines the satellite blueprints and finds Guy cut corners by not putting a scrambler on the satellite. Guy reveals a little project that Tongue and Bruno have been working on.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Red Rooster - Thomas
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV. Why?" announcer - staff announcer
18 Promo: Wet Nurse 141
A woman dedicated to the nurturing and sustenance of mankind.
Lynn Redgrave as Wet Nurse - Martin; Baby - Candy; Doctor - Flaherty; Doctor - Levy; Nurse - O'Hara; patient - Moranis; announcer - Moranis; patient, doctor - extras
9c Russian Wrap Part 4: Launch Pad 116
Woody and Tongue are talking to Caballero and reveal a little technicality to do with the fuel for the trip. Red Rooster joins Woody and Tongue, and the three make their way into the rocket.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Red Rooster - Thomas; Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy
BUMPER "Don't go away, we'll be right back." announcer - staff announcer
19 Commercial: Eskimo Arts - Two Folon Sale
Eskimo Arts has moved. Thousands of Eskimos working night and day in the warehouse to bring you the finest savings in Eskimo Art. "Special this weekend: Eskimo Art's Two Folon Sale. Buy one Folon, get another for the price of another one."
Eskimo Art - Moranis
9d Russian Wrap Part 5: In Space 116
Tongue, Woody and Red Rooster blast off on their little road trip. They drive to the satellite in shifts, eating donuts, shooting a little 3D in the back seat. When they get to the satellite, they find a big Russian satellite parked next door. Rooster installs the scrambler. Tongue and Woody put it in reverse and leave Red Rooster. Red decides to ride the Russian satellite back to Moscow.
Red Rooster - Thomas; Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy
BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
9e Russian Wrap Part 6: Oval Office 116
Caballero tells everything to the President, who calls the Soviet Premier. The Premier is irritated that Red Rooster is headed his way, and orders a strike.
Freeze frames of SCTV characters, and a mushroom cloud ('We'll Meet Again'). Prickley wraps up.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; President (Henry Fonda) - Flaherty; Soviet Premier - Thomas; Edith Prickley - Martin
BUMPER "SCTV - programming for the free world." announcer - staff announcer
Credits - 'It's my Party'
Emmy nomination: outstanding writing in a variety or music program
Libby Wolfson stages her first play. Also features a daring instalment of The Fishin' Musician, and Power Play, which is quite similar in style and subject matter to the CBC episode. Night School High Q is a follow up to Series 2's High Q.
Additional Viewing: Power Play is a spoof of the 1971 Canadian film Face-Off. Dick Bedlow, who appears in both Power Play and the CBC show, is an impression of Canadian sportswriter Dick Beddoes, complete with signature hat. Dusty Towne is a take on comedienne Rusty Warren. My Bloody Hand parodies the 1981 film The Hand. Cow Malt Liquor features a cameo by infamous producer Barry Sand.
Syndication Note: Power Play and The Fishin' Musician were cut from syndication
DVD Note: Dusty Towne's renditions of 'Something' and 'Just the Way You Are' have been cut. The outro music for The Fishin' Musician ("Gone Fishin'", performed by Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong) has been replaced. Power Play and Cow Malt Liquor have been moved from the end to the middle of the running order.
1 Commercial: Ricardo Montalban School Of Fine Acting 079
Ricardo teaches the Ricardo Montalban method of acting. Film, TV, commercials, the stage.
Ricardo Montalban - Levy; actors, mimes - Moranis, Thomas, O'Hara, Martin, Candy, Flaherty; Announcer: Harvey K-Tel - Thomas
2 Sunrise Semester: Ventriloquism with Mr Wilcox 152
The most important thing you can do is not move your lips and practice.
Mr Wilcox - Moranis; Dummy - Moranis
BUMPER Promo: Night School Hi-Q "Night School Hi-Q is next on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
3 Night School High Q 084
Night school students compete for prizes. Margaret always buzzes before the question. Mike buzzes and denies it. Peter offers to fix Mike's buzzer. John is long-winded. Gijs is dutch, and his wife is incapable of talking to the camera. Oogie answers questions that have already been answered. Alex loses his cool and starts ordering buzzers be disconnected.
Alex Trebel - Levy; Oogie Sharpe - Thomas; Peter Reek - Moranis; Gijs - John McAndrew; Gijs' wife - Martin; Margaret Meehan - O'Hara; Mike Roach - Candy; John McInnis - Flaherty; Announcer - staff announcer
4 Commercial: Perma-Lacque Hair Spray 152
For hair that will survive anything.
Woman with indestructible hair - O'Hara; Man - Candy; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: ratings aside, we're number one." announcer - staff announcer
5 Great White North: Mouse in a bottle 141
Bob and Doug have a tip on how to get a free 24.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
6 You!: I'm Taking My Own Head... 087
Libby discusses her new play, "Im Taking My Own Head, Screwing It On Right, and No Guy's Gonna Tell Me it Ain't", with her dear friend and co-star Sue Bopper. They plug the play, opening this evening.
Libby Wolfson - Martin; Sue Bopper Simpson - O'Hara
7 Commercial: Video Dinners from Videotech 091
Dinner and a video in one convenient package. A Christmas Carol Christmas dinner, etc. From Videotech. Taste the difference.
Gerry Todd - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: something to look forward to." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: the network for all seasons." announcer - staff announcer
8 You Wraparound Part 1: Vending Machine 087
Libby discusses her play with the actor playing the male lead. Seth is having problems understanding his character in the play.
Libby Wolfson - Martin; Seth Dick III - Flaherty
9 Critic's Corner with Bill Needle: Theatre Beat 087
Bill carps about being put on the theatre beat by management. He hates theatre. But he invites us to join him later tonight for his new show Theatre Beat.
Bill Needle - Thomas; announcer - staff announcer
8a You Wraparound Part 2: Libby's Place 087
Libby has an argument with her current partner. He's unhappy that Libby hasn't been spending much time with him.
Libby Wolfson - Martin; Lenny Schectman - Moranis
BUMPER Promo: The Fishin' Musician "Wendy O Williams and the Plasmatics join Gil Fisher on the Fishin' Musician tonight on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
10 The Fishin' Musician: The Plasmatics Part 1
Gil introduces the show.
Gil Fisher - Candy
11 Commercial: Send $10.00 to BOX 1980
A man with an idea proposes that you send him 10 bucks.
Pitch man - Thomas
10a The Fishin' Musician: The Plasmatics Part 2
Gil and The Plasmatics look at footage from their photo-safari. They parachute into the Melonville forest. Their guide, Willie Nelson, gets caught in a tree and Gil leaves him there. After setting up camp, they go on safari, where Wendy takes on a gorilla. At dinner, they get dressed up for Chef Marcel.
Gil Fisher - Candy; Wendy O Williams and the Plasmatics - themselves; Chef Marcel - Flaherty; Willie Nelson - extra; guides, crew - extras
BUMPER "SCTV: state of the art as we define it." announcer - staff announcer
10b The Fishin' Musician: The Plasmatics Part 3
The Plasmatics do "Doom Song", and redecorate the lodge in the process.
Gil Fisher - Candy; Wendy O Williams and the Plasmatics - themselves; announcer - staff announcer
11a Commercial: Send $10.00 to BOX 1980
Last chance to take advantage of this offer.
Pitch man - Thomas
BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
12 Theatre Beat with Bill Needle: I'm Taking My Own Head 087
Bill reviews Libby's play, takes it apart, and shows some clips.
Clips: I'm Taking My Own Head...
Two women complain about men. They console the man, even though he's a sexist pig. The finale.
Libby Wolfson - Martin; Sue Bopper Simpson - O'Hara; Seth Dick III - Flaherty; waitress, audience - extras
Bill rips Libby's play apart some more, and gets some reactions from audience members, friends and relatives, including Lenny and Max. To conclude, he gives Seth a good review, and notes the play is closing after only one show.
Bill Needle - Thomas; Lenny Schectman - Moranis; Max Kerbel - Candy; audience members - extras
13 Promo: You!: Dr Bernard Coddle 087
On the next You! - Libby copes with her failure with the help of renowned psychiatrist Dr Bernard Coddle.
Libby Wolfson - Martin; Dr Bernard Coddle - Levy
BUMPER "SCTV: modern programming staffed by experts." announcer - Network 90 staff announcer
BUMPER "The comedy continues on SCTV, right after this." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: your one-stop television center." announcer - Network 90 staff announcer
14 Commercial: Dusty Towne at Lucifer's Arena 185
Raw, raunchy and a little risque. Dusty tells stories, engages in audience participation.
Dusty Towne - O'Hara; Canadian - Flaherty; Virginia - Martin; 15th anniversary man - Levy; Wally Hung Trio: Drums (Ricky) - Moranis; Organ (Wally) - Paul Flaherty; Bass - Dick Blasucci; announcer - staff announcer; audience - extras
15 Promo: My Bloody Hand 123
Michael Caine's character, Bubba Ashley, is a writer from Jackson, Mississippi, whose bloody hand was disfigured in a car accident. He has to deal with prejudice as a result.
Michael Caine - Thomas; Southern Guys - Candy, Levy, Moranis; Wife - O'Hara; basketball players - extras
BUMPER Promo: Power Play "On the ice no one can hear you scream. Stay tuned for the great Canadian hockey film Power Play here on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
16 Commercial: Cow Malt Liquor 091
The one beer to have when you're having only one.
John Huston - Flaherty; Shelley Winters - Candy; crew - Barry Sand, extras; announcer - staff announcer
17 SCTV Movie of the Week: Power Play
Coach Kirk stumbles on Billy playing street hockey and brings him to play for the lagging Toronto Bay Leaves. The Chief, Captain of the Leaves, takes Billy out to get some clothes. At the mall, Billy meets an activist and gives her tickets to the game. At the game against Philadelphia, Billy has to choose between playing his enforcer role and non-violence advocated by the activist.
Darryl Sittler as Billy - Candy; William Shatner as coach Kirk - Thomas; Street hockey players - Graham Stinson, extras; Dick Bedlow - Flaherty; Al Waxman as The Chief - Moranis; Helen Shaver as - O'Hara; Murray Eagleson (music) - Levy; Heckler - Levy; activists, Bay Leaves and Flyers players, fans - extras
Credits
Aliens take over SCTV, and it's up to Guy Caballero and Star Trek's DeForest Kelley to figure out why the people at SCTV are giving such low key performances. At the end of the show, Zontar demands a nine-show cycle and three best-ofs, which is what SCTV was contracted to deliver to NBC. Also features the first celebrity to be blown up on the Farm Film Report: Meryl Streep. Along with Woody Allen's My Life, One More Time, George Carlin's Reel Love and Don Rickles' Love Is the Greatest Gift God Gave Us....And I Mean that Sincerely form a trilogy of sorts.
Additional Viewing: Zontar is based on the 60s classic Zontar the Thing From Venus. Hank Bain is played by Bonar Bain, Conrad Bain's real life brother; Conrad Bain was of course the star of 80's sitcom Diff'rent Strokes.
Syndication Note: Great White North and Tex and Edna Boil's Emporium were cut
DVD Note: In Zontar Wrap Part 2, Edith Prickley singing 'Whistle While You Work' was cut.
OPENING
1 PSA: American Orthodontal Group - Dental Floss 095
Let that special one know you care, which means more than making sure your jeans fit. Take a bite out of the eighties.
People in tight jeans and dresses - extras; Announcer - extra
2 Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town: G. Gordon Liddy 141
Today's letter is G, and today's guest is G Gordon Liddy. Gordon fields some tough questions from the kids. Gordon then reads the story of Goldylocks from his Corrected Fairy Tales.
Mrs Falbo - Martin; Mr Messenger - Candy; G Gordon Liddy - Thomas; Kid with tough question - Graham Stinson; Kids - extras
BUMPER "Coming to you by satellite, this is SCTV" announcer - staff announcer
3 Zontar Wrap Part 1: Caballero's Office 150
Caballero welcomes Hank Bain on board. Hank goes out to his van, and contacts Zontar. Zontar sends a spaceship.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Hank Bain - Bonar Bain; Zontar - Candy
4 Great White North: Short Cuts
Doug extends the theme. He behaves obnoxiously, Bob complains and they argue. As a result, they don't get around to Bob's topic, short cuts.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
5 Promo: George Carlin's Reel Love 140
For people who loved Woody Allen's Annie Hall and Albert Brooks' Modern Romance. Max is having trouble coping with relationships, until he meets a woman who appreciates his bits.
George Carlin as Max - Moranis; First Woman - O'Hara; Friend - Levy; Other friend - Thomas; Second Woman - Martin; Announcer - Moranis
BUMPER Promo: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre "Stay up with Count Floyd and Monster Chiller Horror Theatre next Friday night around midnight." announcer - staff announcer
3a Zontar Wrap Part 2: Gus' Desk 150
The spaceship lands on the roof of SCTV, leaves some cabbages, and takes off. The cabbages enter the building through a vent. Prickley arrives for the day and exchanges small talk with Gus before going in. A cabbage arrives at Gus' feet. He picks it up. The Glowing Cabbage Effect. Juul Haalmeyer arrives and Gus, now a zombie, shoots him for not signing in. LaRue arrives, and Gus turns him into a zombie.
Edith Prickley - Martin; Gus Gustofferson - Levy; Juul Haalmeyer - Juul Haalmeyer; Johnny LaRue - Candy
6 Commercial: The D'Annamora Prison Choir - For Lifers Only 095
The follow-on to the hit Songs of Defiance. 'Love is a Many-Splendored Thing', It's Now or Never', 'A Place for Us', 'See You In September'. Record 9.95, Tape or Cassette 15.95.
Announcer: Harvey K-Tel - Thomas; Hooker - O'Hara; Prisoners - Thomas, Dick Blasucci, Paul Flaherty; Warden Edward Haskell - Flaherty; Warden's wife - Beverly Schectman; prisoners, guards - extras
BUMPER Promo: The Sammy Maudlin Show "Stay tuned for Natalie Cole later tonight on the Sammy Maudlin Show." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Stay tuned for more comedy on SCTV" announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV, the network for all seasons." Announcer - staff announcer
7 Farm Film Report: Meryl Streep 139
Meryl weeps and then blows up. (Note: announcer calls the show Farm Film Celebrity Blow Up, but the sign says Farm Film Report.)
Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; Meryl Streep - O'Hara; announcer - staff announcer
8 Promo: Don Rickles' Love Is the Greatest Gift God Gave Us....And I Mean that Sincerely 140
For people who loved Woody Allen's Annie Hall and Albert Brooks' Modern Romance. Max is having trouble coping with relationships, until he meets a woman who appreciates him.
Don Rickles as Max - Moranis; First Woman - O'Hara; Friend - Levy; Second Woman - Martin; Announcer - Moranis
9 SCTV Evening News: Zontar 150
Floyd has an item about Zontar that catches Earl off guard. Earl has an item about a cabbage truck that's overturned. In the control booth, the director is welcomed to Zontar...
Earl Camembert - Levy; Floyd Robertson - Flaherty; John Blanchard - Barry Sand; Control room guy - extra; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Screen Acting "Join Dr. Tongue and Bruno for a class in Screen Acting Thursday morning at 9." announcer - staff announcer
3b Zontar Wrap Part 3: Different Folks 150
Hank has some radio equipment moved into his room. During the taping of his show Different Folks, Hank goes to make an important call to Zontar. Zontar gives Hank his instructions.
Hank Bain - Bonar Bain; Bill Needle - Thomas; Larry Siegel (director of Different Folks) - Moranis; Assistant - Levy; movers, crew, kids - extras
10 Promo: Ted Gordon, Overbooked Attorney 078
An attorney with a case load that would break a clydesdale's back. (Note: Ted Gordon is also Malpractice Lawyer.)
Ted Gordon - Thomas; Judge - Flaherty; Mr Turkel - Candy; Pizza delivery guy - Moranis; audience - extras; Announcer - Thomas
BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
11 The Sammy Maudlin Show: Natalie Cole Part 1 151
Joined in progress. Joan Embry, from the zoo, is a bit hammered. There's some trouble with a tasmanian devil.
Joan Embry - O'Hara; Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; William B Williams - Candy; announcer - staff announcer
12 Commercial: Tex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium
Tex and Edna are back with a new venture in the badlands. See JoJo the world's biggest prairie dog, Chuckie the baseball playing chicken, James Dean's wreck. 'For all your badlands needs.'
Tex Boil - Thomas; Edna Boil - Martin
BUMPER Promo: Money Talks "Brian Johns visits Night Lady publisher Henna Claire Graham later tonight on Money Talks." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Don't leave that chair, we'll be right back." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Welcome back to more comedy on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
13 Commercial: Poochare Dog Food (R4/1)
All meat dog food. "It's dog food. It's now."
Hip guy - Levy; Women - extras; announcer - Candy; singer - Levy
11a The Sammy Maudlin Show: Natalie Cole Part 2 151
Sammy's next guest is Natalie Cole who performs a song ("Nothin' but a Fool") and plugs 'Different Folks', for which she's recorded the theme song. Then DeForest Kelly comes out with a clip from his newest film with Julia Child. Just before the clip comes on, a cabbage rolls onto the stage.
Clip: The Julia Child Story
DeForest has trouble saying 'cinnamon'.
Julia Child - Candy; DeForest Kelly as Henry Child - Thomas
When they return from the clip, everyone but DeForest are acting like zombies.
Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; William B Williams - Candy; DeForest Kelly - Thomas; Natalie Cole - Natalie Cole
3c Zontar Wraparound Part 4: Caballero's Office 151
Caballero, watching the Maudlin Show, is concerned about the low key performances.
DeForest Kelly - Thomas; Guy Caballero - Flaherty
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
14 Money Talks with Brian Johns: Henna Claire Graham 123
Brian visits the fabulous penthouse apartment of Henna Claire Graham, publisher of Night Lady. Her philosophy is do it, and she tries to do it to Brian. They visit the Playroom, where Brock is relaxing on the bed, and have some oysters.
Brian Johns - Levy; Henna Claire Graham - O'Hara; Brock, crew - extra
15 Commercial: Henry Moore for American Express (R3)
Recognized by more arts councils, grant agencies, nude models than any other card.
Henry Moore - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
3d Zontar Wraparound Part 5: Caballero's Office 151
Bones convinces Caballero that aliens are taking over the station. Outside, Caballero's staff have turned into zombies. Caballero and Bones discover Hank Bain's radio receiver. They grab Hank when he returns.
DeForest Kelly - Thomas; Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Hank Bain - Bonar Bain; office staff - extras
BUMPER Promo: Steeplechase "Yes, it's everyone's favorite racing game, Steeplechase, soon but not tonight on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
16 Commercial: Dr. Schekter (R4/1)
Wouldn't you like to see his doctor too?
Dr. Schekter - Moranis; patient - Levy; dancing patients - extras
3e Zontar Wraparound Part 6: Boardroom 151
Gerry Todd sets up the advent screen for Zontar's announcement. Zontar punishes Hank Bain for failing him (to Big Jim and Billy Sol's approval). Zontar needs television entertainment and makes his demands: one nine-show cycle and three best ofs. However, after consulting an interplanetary almanac, Bones and Guy discover that Zontar is doomed. When Zontar explodes, the others snap out of it. Guy finds a moral and gives a stirring speech, concluding by admonishing us to watch the skies...
DeForest Kelly - Thomas; Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Hank Bain - Bonar Bain; Gerry Todd - Moranis; Zontar - Candy; Astrologers - Paul Flaherty, Dick Blasucci; Edith Prickley - Martin; Earl Camembert - Levy; Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; SCTV staff - extras
BUMPER "This is SCTV, the all comedy network." announcer - staff announcer
Credits
No wraparound, just a bunch of superb sketches. Standouts include Walter Cronkite's Brain and the Merv Griffin 60's promo. Perini Scleroso is featured in a series of commercials for various products. Screen Acting with Woody Tobias and Dr Tongue is listed as a Sunrise Semester in Dave Thomas' book, but doesn't have the actual Sunrise Semester intro; it does, however, use the Sunrise Semester set. Pre Teen Alexis Shannon is named after Catherine O'Hara's nieces, Alexis and Shannon.
Additional Viewing: Gangway for Miracles is a parody of The Miracle Worker. The Merv Griffin 60's Show has plenty of 60's counter culture references and is loosely based on Easy Rider. Walter Cronkite's Brain includes a segment based on Superman, with a Star Wars light sabre duel thrown in. Emergency Caterers is a rather nifty parody of Emergency!, right down to those red toolboxes.
Syndication Note: Pre-Teen World, Steeplechase and Screen Acting were cut from syndication
DVD Note: The Merv Griffin 60s Show has several music changes - Merv's rendition of 'Light My Fire' has been replaced, a brief cue of Mrs. Robinson has been replaced, and in Heffner's penthouse, Merv's rendition of Graham Nash's Chicago (We Can Change The World) has been cut. The Looney Tunes theme has been replaced at the end of Videodating, requiring a new voiceover.
OPENING
1 Commercial: 5 Neat Guys Gold 090
Including "Mom Pressed the Crease in my Chinos", "Should we Double Date with Stan and Wendy", "Ice Cream", "Slow Dance", "Put Some Extra Relish On my Hot Dog", "Pimples and Pockmarks", "I Got a Hickey".
5 - Candy; N - Flaherty; E - Levy; A - Thomas; T - Moranis; Announcer: Harvey K-Tel - Thomas; mom, ice cream man, double-dates - extras
2 Promo: Emergency Caterers 095
When a party runs out of food, they call Emergency Caterers. Ex-nam, now everyone wants them. So good, you'll come back for more.
Husband - Flaherty; Wife - Martin; Mr Caterer - Candy; Andy - extra; Frank - extra; Party Guests - extras; Dispatcher - O'Hara; Announcer - Candy
BUMPER Promo: Walter Cronkite's Brain announcer - staff announcer
3 Walter Cronkite's Brain 079
Today's episode: function and control. They begin a typical Saturday with Walter, use the left side of the brain and head off to play golf.
Memory. A montage of Walter and David anchoring the news through the years. Race memory. Young Walter remembers his early days on Krypton with his father. David tries to convince Jor-El not to send young Walter to Earth.
Imagination. They play golf. Walter shows a lack of Ingenuity. While on the course, young Walter crash lands on the green, and Walter is vaporized. David takes young Walter.
Note: Theme music by Vangelis
Walter Cronkite - Thomas; David Brinkley - Moranis; young Walter Cronkite - extras; Mrs Cronkite - extra
4 Commercial: Tylenex with Perini Scleroso 139
What future Americans in high-stress situations take for headache pain.
Perini Scleroso as Mrs Snay - Martin; Pitch Man - Moranis; Immigration Officer - Flaherty; Announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Gangway for Miracles announcer - staff announcer
5 Promo: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Slinky...Toy from Hell 141
Floyd's plugs this Saturday's film, Slinky...Toy From Hell
Clip: Slinky...Toy From Hell
Girl - Martin; Slinky - itself; announcer - staff announcer
Floyd's picking football teams with the crew.
Count Floyd - Flaherty; crew - extra
6 Promo: Small Town Dick 139
Mike Chisel investigates in a town where everyone knows everyone else.
Mike Chisel - Candy; Mrs Anderson - O'Hara; Janitor - Moranis; Clem - Thomas; People on street - Martin, Bob Bainborough, extras; cops - extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Stay tuned for more comedy on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
7 SCTV Movie of the Week: Gangway for Miracles 079
Edith tries to teach a wild young woman how to behave in civilized society. At first she tries love, understanding and patience, but they end up duking it out.
Edith Prickley - Martin; Father - Candy; Regan Duke Astin as Mad Dog - O'Hara; announcer - staff announcer
8 Great White North: Carpets 078
They got excess carpet and put it up on the walls in their van.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV, the only comedy network." announcer - staff announcer
9 Promo: The Merv Griffin Show: The 60's 141
Merv sings Mellow Yellow; he rides to New Orleans with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper on their choppers. They get beat up by rednecks in the south. Virginia Graham talks about the coming sexual revolution. The Maharishi teaches transcendental meditation. Jackie Vernon and Merv go to an Afro-American studies class. Then they stop off at Hefner's mansion where Joan Baez entertains, and get raided by the cops.
Promotional considerations provided by Ousley Pharmaceuticals ("when you need drugs"), Jefferson Airplane, guests stay at Rochdale ("you can smoke our roaches"), and Reunite ("next time you're drying out").
Merv Griffin - Moranis; Virginia Graham - O'Hara; Maharishi - Levy; Peter Fonda - Flaherty; Dennis Hopper - Thomas; Jackie Vernon - Candy; Joan Baez - Martin; Hugh Hefner - Flaherty; cops, bunnies, students - extras; Afro-American Studies Teacher - extra
10 Commercial: The Pepsi Challenge with Perini Scleroso 139
Perini takes the Pepsi Challenge at Ellis Island.
Perini Scleroso - Martin; Pepsi Guy - Levy; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Pre-Teen World announcer - staff announcer
11 Pre-Teen World: Rough Trade
Alexis and Stephan open the show. Glen struggles to answer viewer mail, including a letter from Darren Wade, who asks how to get on the show. In a dating tips segment, Kathy calls up Michael and asks him for a date. In the Rock Rap segment, the kids interview the band ("Do you know Blondie? How late do you stay up?" etc.). Rough Trade performs "High School Confidential".
Alexis Shannon - O'Hara; Stephan Seely - Candy; Matthew Wallace - Flaherty; Kathy Tudor - Martin; Paul Rennie - Levy; Glen Milbury - Thomas; Steve Applebaum - Moranis; Michael (on the phone) - Flaherty; Michael's mother - O'Hara; Rough Trade: Carol Pope - Vocals; Kevin Staples - Keyboards; Dave McMorrow - Keyboards; Terry Wilkins - Bass; Bucky Berger - Drums
12 Carl's Cuts: Head Cheese 099
Carl explains head cheese.
Carl Scutz - Moranis
BUMPER "Coming to you by satellite, this is SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV, programming for the free world." announcer - staff announcer
13 Commercial: Slappy 2000 Home Comedy Center 085
A state-of-the-art alternative to late-night comedy.
Hip comedian - Thomas; Slappy 2000 - Thomas
14 Steeplechase Part 1
Bob explains the game and chats with the contestants. Prizes: lamps (courtesy House of Lamps) and bulbs (courtesy Bright's Bulbs).
Host: Bob Link - Levy; Contestants: Larry D'Iberville - Moranis; Cornelius Crisphead - Candy; Barbara Lehman - Martin; E Charles Bronson - Flaherty; Johnny Ola - staff announcer; trumpeter, stablegirls - extras
14a Steeplechase Part 2
Larry starts first by picking the category "Enemies of the Sheriff of Nottingham" and correctly answering a question related to Errol Flynn. Barb chooses "Christopher Cross" and answers an equally difficult question about an author with the same last name. Cornelius chooses "Leaning Towers", gets a question about Italian history, and blows it. Charles chooses "Months Ending in 'Vember'" and gets the first straightforward question: "Which is the only month whose name ends in 'Vember'"? Charles guesses "September" and is disqualified. Moving on to the board, Barb and Larry only get started moving their respective pieces before they run out of time.
Host: Bob Link - Levy; Contestants: Larry D'Iberville - Moranis; Cornelius Crisphead - Candy; Barbara Lehman - Martin; E Charles Bronson - Flaherty; Johnny Ola - staff announcer; stablegirls - extras
15 Commercial: Shine Liquid Detergent with Perini Scleroso 139
Shine cleans so well you can see your own reflection.
Pitch man - Candy; Perini Scleroso as Mrs Snay - Martin; Joan Davis - O'Hara
BUMPER Promo: Sammy Maudlin Show announcer - staff announcer
16 Sunrise Semester: Screen Acting V with Dr. Tongue and Woody Tobias Jr
Recap from yesterday's show on 3D ("....slow and steady....slow and steady....not as easy as it looks"). They suggest playing poker and practical jokes to kill time waiting for setup and teardown of sets on big budget films. They preview Part VI- the difference between screen and stage acting (Tobias: "the keyword is 'subtle'....keep it down on stage").
Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy; announcer - staff announcer
17 Commercial: Videodating 088
Gerry's got video featuring the woman he met and married courtesy of Videodating. "Make your next blind date a videodate."
Gerry Todd - Moranis; Priscilla Todd - Martin; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
Credits
Features one of the better uses of a musical guest in New York Rhapsody, while Bobby Bittman gets his brother Skip a spot on Maudlin. The Doorway to Hell sequence is totally off the wall: having run out of ideas for programming, Guy takes suggestions from the crew, a strategy taken straight from The Second City stage. The resulting set of bits is the most unusual in the SCTV canon, and in the end, the dummy steals the show.
Additional Viewing: New York Rhapsody is a spoof of the 1946 film Humoresque, starring Joan Crawford and John Garfield as Paul Boray. Judd Hirsch in Doorway to Hell spoofs his role in Ordinary People.
Syndication Note: Doorway to Hell and Nana Mouskouri were cut, and Pepi Longsocks and New York Rhapsody (Eugene Fodor's performance) were edited
DVD Note: Gordon Lightfoot no longer sings every song ever written, as Supercalifragalisticexpialidotious has been cut.
1 Promo: Double Love 095
Two cock-eyed lovers find each other. Twice. Note: the music and dialogue in the movie is The Friends of Mr Cairo by Jon and Vangelis.
Sid Dithers - Levy; Karen Black - O'Hara; announcer - staff announcer
2 Great White North: Microwave Ovens 079
Should you cook back bacon in microwave ovens (obviously not, eh).
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
BUMPER Promo: Pepi Longsocks "Next on SCTV, a classic Bulgarian children's film: Pepi Longsocks." announcer - staff announcer
3 SCTV After School Special: Pepi Longsocks 140
Pepi is ostracized by the other kids because he is different.
Pepi Longsocks - Candy; Father - Flaherty; The other kids - Moranis, Levy, Thomas, Martin, O'Hara; Cyclist - extra
4 Commercial: Harry's Discount Sex Shop: Harry's Library of Distinction 090
The classics of pornography, in genuine imitation leather.
Harry, the Man with the snake on his face - Candy
BUMPER Promo: The Sammy Maudlin "Next, Bobby Bittman and his brother Skip visit Sammy Maudlin on SCTV." Show announcer - staff announcer
5 The Sammy Maudlin Show: Bobby and Skip Bittman 095
(Already in progress) Bobby is singing his unique version of "My Melody of Love." Sitting down at the panel, they discuss family values. Bobby introduces his brother Skip, who does a routine that bombs. Joining the panel, Skip starts getting on Bobby's nerves and they argue in (imperfect) Yiddish (translation courtesy James Gray):
Herschel (Bobby): Vos tutsu tzu mir? (What are you doing to me?)
Tzvi (Skip): Vos sich zehn mir? Gornisht! Verzogt tzu mir a tchainik!
"Vos sich zehn mir?" is a bad way of saying "What are you saying to me?" "Gornisht" means nothing. "Verzogt tzu mir a tchainik" literally means "You are talking to me a teapot." This may be a poor attempt at an old saying "Hak mir nicht in tchainik," which literally translates as "Don't bang on my teapot" and means "Don't get on my nerves" or "Don't drive me crazy." Skip is either saying "You are talking crazy at me" or "You're getting on my nerves" but it's not very good Yiddish.
Herschel: Gedenkst gevesen tzu bringen sie oyf dem Maudlin Show! (Not very good grammar, but essentially he is saying "Remember, it was me who brought you on the Maudlin Show!")
Tzvi: Ver vays fun Maudlin Show? Groisse Gedilleh! Phtooey! (Who cares about the Maudlin Show? Big deal! Phtooey!)
Herschel: Du vayst uz siiz network. Du machts gelach fun mir! (You know this is network. You're making fun of me!)
Tzvi: Du bist a nar! (You are a fool!)
After an uncomfortable pause, William B says some words about real families, and the brothers (briefly) make up.
Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; William B - Candy; Bobby Bittman - Levy; Skip Bittman - Moranis; Announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: New York Rhapsody "Tonight on SCTV Eugene Fodor stars in New York Rhapsody." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Stay tuned for more late night comedy on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "You're watching the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
6 SCTV Movie of the Week: New York Rhapsody Part 1 139
The story of a kid from a New York tenement who becomes a great violinist. His break comes when he plays for a society party, but his mother warns him against society dames. Paul plays at the party ("Dance of the Goblins") and impresses a society dame. They exchange some witty repartee. She becomes his patron and teaches him about living, takes him to the top, and then drags him down in high-style living. His concert at Carnegie Hall is cancelled.
Note: the last bar in the montage of bars that Joan and Paul go to is Johnny LaRue's Luau Room.
Paul Boray - Eugene Fodor; Mama - Martin; Papa - Flaherty; Host at Society party (Rawl Withers) - Levy; Joan Crawford - O'Hara; Society Partygoers - extras; child Paul - extra; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Stay tuned to SCTV for the dramatic conclusion to New York Rhapsody." announcer - staff announcer
6a SCTV Movie of the Week: New York Rhapsody Part 2 139
The Society dame visits Mama to see if Mama can help her stay away from Paul. Mama suggests suicide. Paul plays Carnegie Hall at last. The tragic conclusion.
Paul Boray - Eugene Fodor; Mama - Martin; Papa - Flaherty; Joan Crawford - O'Hara; concert audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer
7 Commercial: Al Peck's Sanitone Drycleaning 141
We've got steam heat. Alterations, hats blocked...
Al Peck - Levy; staff - extras
BUMPER Promo: Doorway to Hell "Coming up next, Lin Ye Tang's Doorway to Hell." announcer - staff announcer
8 Doorway to Hell Part 1
Tang introduces the show. The dummy asks him to get on with it, and insists they go through the door. They end up in hell - and go through the only door, into a psychiatrist's office. They ask him the way out, and he says 'the way you came in'. But the door is gone. Wilcox goes mad and kills the psychiatrist. Note: music is The Friends of Mr Cairo by Jon and Vangelis.
Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Mr Wilcox - Moranis; Dummy - Moranis; Judd Hirsch - Levy; spectral face - Levy
9 Commercial: Hollywood Squares Home Game 087
Play Hollywood Squares the way the stars play it.
Father - Moranis; Mother - O'Hara; kids - extras; workmen - extras; announcer - staff announcer
10 Message From Guy: Suggestions
Lacking a budget and ideas, Guy asks the crew for some suggestions on how to continue the show. The lighting director tells him to go to hell. So Guy goes to Tang and persuades him to extend Doorway to Hell. Tang, Wilcox and the dummy return through the door.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; crew - extras; Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Mr Wilcox - Moranis; kids - extras; dummy - Moranis
BUMPER "Stay tuned to SCTV for more of Doorway to Hell" announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "This is SCTV all comedy, all the time" announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Welcome back to late night comedy at its best on SCTV" announcer - staff announcer
8a Doorway to Hell Part 2
Tang, Wilcox and the dummy take an elevator with a habitual liar. They leave the elevator, but are running out of ideas. Guy comes out and asks them to keep going, then takes another suggestion from the crew, this time to do with Rome.
Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Mr Wilcox - Moranis; Dummy - Moranis; Liar - Candy; Guy Caballero - Flaherty; crew - extras
11 Promo: The Nana Mouskouri Story
Forced to wear glasses, Nana finds an audience anyway. She leaves her country and tours the world, her eye-wear changing with each destination.
Nana Mouskouri - Martin; Alki Stereopolis (her band) - Flaherty; other band member - Moranis; Dr Opoulos - Thomas; Telly Savalas - Candy; New Yorkers - Levy, extras; greeks - extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Shoot for the Stars "Rupert Holmes and Chuck Mangione guest on Bill Needle's Shoot for the Stars on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
12 Fireside Chat: Police Blotter 102
In response to rising crime, Mayor Shanks takes a look at the day's police blotter (courtesy police chief Deward Weiss).
Tommy Shanks - Candy; announcer - staff announcer
8b Doorway to Hell Part 3
Tang, Wilcox and the dummy, fleeing elephants, pass through a door to Caligula's hell. They get conflicting directions out of hell from Caligula and his men. They flee Hannibal's elephants.
Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Mr Wilcox - Moranis; Dummy - Moranis; Hannibal - Candy; Caligula - Flaherty; Centurions - Levy, Candy
13 Commercial: Gordon Lightfoot Sings Every Song Ever Written (R3)
'Supercalifragalisticexpialidotious', 'Happy Birthday', 'Good King Wenceslas', '76 Trombones', and more. Record 4.99, Tape or Cassette 6.99.
Gordon Lightfoot - Moranis; Announcer: Harvey K-Tel - Thomas
BUMPER "This is SCTV, the only network with Lola Heatherington [sic]"; clip from Sammy Maudlin show; Not Tonight. announcer - staff announcer
14 Commercial: Half Legs (R3)
'For the woman in you.'
Joyce Dewitt ('Joyce Dehalfwit') - Martin
8c Doorway to Hell Part 4
Tang, Wilcox and the dummy continue to wander. In his office, Guy takes another suggestion, this time from his new lighting director, to wrap up the show. Tang, Wilcox and the dummy walk through a door into Guy's office. Tang and Wilcox walk. Guy gives up and tells the viewers the show is over and to turn off their sets.
Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Mr Wilcox - Moranis; Dummy - Moranis; Guy Caballero - Flaherty; lighting man - Paul Flaherty; crew - extras
BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer
Credits - 'The Friends of Mr Cairo' by Jon and Vangelis (instrumental)
In what is perhaps the most carefully constructed and complete parody in the SCTV cannon, Don Caballero offends the other networks, leading to network war. The sequence where Guy takes the broadcasting oath is an incredible indictment of the banality of network television. Features a special appearance by John Marley reprising his role in The Godfather. The final half hour features two other longer sketches - 3D House of Beef and Vikings and Beekeepers. 3D House of Beef opening act The Polyesters are a parody of 80's group The Nylons.
Additional Viewing: The Godfather
Syndication Note: The Vikings and the Beekeepers and Great White North were cut from syndication
OPENING
1 Commercial: Katharine Hepburn for Twillings Tea 148
Katharine talks about her first time.
Katharine Hepburn - O'Hara; Announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Vikings and Beekeepers announcer - alternate announcer
2 The Godfather Prologue: Guy's Office 083
LaRue is caught in Guy's office by Prickley. Apparently Guy is attending to family matters...
Johnny LaRue - Candy; Edith Prickley - Martin
3 The Godfather Part 1: The Wedding 083
Floyd the barber asks Guy to punish Opy and the thugs that broke his barber pole. Outside, Guy's daughter Connie's wedding is in progress. Sonny and Ricky come in to discuss Turk Ugazzo and his pay TV proposal. Johnny Pavarotti arrives and goes straight for the lasagna. He sings a song. Later, Pavarotti asks Guy to get him a part in Bernstein's latest opera.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Michael (Ricky) Caballero (Al Pacino) - Moranis; Sonny Caballero - Levy; Tom Hayden - Thomas; Floyd the Barber - Levy; Connie Caballero - Martin; Johnny Pavarotti - Candy; Husband - extra; Wedding guests - extras; Conductor - extra
BUMPER Promo: 3D House of Beef announcer - staff announcer
3a The Godfather Part 2: Leonard Bernstein's House 083
Tom tries to persuade Bernstein to give Johnny Pavarotti the part. Bernstein introduces Tom to his horse Signor Bruschino. They have dinner and watch Francis the Talking Mule. Bernstein refuses to give Pavarotti the part.
Tom Hayden - Thomas; Leonard Bernstein - John Marley; Signor Bruschino - extra
BUMPER Promo: The Gerry Todd Show "Watch for Gerry Todd, SCTV's late night video DJ" announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "You may think you're watching television, but this is SCTV" - staff announcer
BUMPER "This is SCTV, the family network" announcer - staff announcer
3b The Godfather Part 3: Meeting of Network Heads 083
Turk Ugazzo proposes that the networks join together to crush HBO and replace it with Ugazzo Home Vision. Turk shows a promo of Ugazzo Home Vision. After seeing the video, Guy refuses to back the deal, resulting in bad blood.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Michael (Ricky) Caballero - Moranis; Sonny Caballero - Levy; Turk Ugazzo - Thomas; Don Bartelini (NBC), Philip Detalia (CBS), Raymond J Saluga (PBS) - extras; Victor Stracchi (ABC) - Dick Blasucci; thugs - extras; Ugazzo announcer - extra; AM Tripoli announcer - O'Hara
BUMPER Promo: Death Takes No Holiday announcer - staff announcer
3c The Godfather Part 4: The Street 084
Caballero is cut down in the street buying magazines at the newsstand.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Achilles - extra; Hit men - extras; Turk Ugazzo - Thomas
3d The Godfather Part 5a: Network War 1 084
The network newscasts all lead with the news of network war.
SCTV News: Network War
The television news headlines: network war. Earl gives an editorial, but SCTV is hit before he can finish.
Earl Camembert - Levy; Floyd Robertson - Flaherty; gangsters, crew - extras
Prickley informs Sonny and Ricky that SCTV's license is up for renewal, and that Guy, who is in hospital, has to take the broadcasting oath or they will lose the station.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Morton Dean - Moranis; CBS announcer - extra; Jessica Savage - O'Hara; Edith Prickley - Martin; Sonny Caballero - Levy; Michael (Ricky) Caballero - Moranis; Tom Hayden - Thomas; gangsters - extras
BUMPER "Big Jim McBob and Billy Sol Hurok, only on SCTV" announcer - staff announcer
3e The Godfather Part 5b: Network War 2 / The Broadcasting Oath 084
Guy takes the oath. While he takes the oath, all the networks are hit.
NBC: Today
Gene Shalit - Levy; Jane Pauley - O'Hara
ABC: Three's Company
Joyce Dewitt - Martin; John Ritter - Thomas; Suzanne Somers - extra
CBS: The NFL Today
Brent Musburger - Moranis; Jimmy the Greek - Candy
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Michael (Ricky) Caballero - Moranis; Tom Hayden - Thomas; Connie Caballero - Martin; FCC Commissioners, hitmen - Juul Haalmeyer, extras
3f The Godfather Part 6: The Truce 084
Guy meets with the other network heads and they make peace. After they leave, Turk emerges from the back room, and Guy proposes they split this pay TV thing 50-50 and squeeze the network jerks right out of the picture.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Michael (Ricky) Caballero - Moranis; Sonny Caballero - Levy; Turk Ugazzo - Thomas; Don Bartelini (NBC), Philip Detalia (CBS), Raymond J Saluga (PBS) - extras; Victor Stracchi (ABC) - Dick Blasucci; thugs - extras
BUMPER Godfather Theme
BUMPER "Stay tuned for more late night comedy on SCTV" announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "This is SCTV, the only network with Bob and Doug McKenzie" announcer - staff announcer
4 Great White North: Long Underwear and Backbacon
Doug explains long underwear, and Bob shows some overcooked backbacon.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
5 SCTV Special Presentation: 3-D House of Beef Part 1 148
The only place in town with 3D entertainment and an excellent cut of beef. Dr Tongue welcomes us. We enter and sign the guest book. Dr Tongue takes us to a table and shows us the menu. He calls the waiter Bruno to take our order. Bruno explains he's not just a lackey. Dr Tongue introduces Count Floyd, who will host the evening. Floyd tries to move some 3D glasses for 26 bucks and introduces The Polyesters (opening act).
In the kitchen, Floyd, Tongue and Bruno argue. The Polyesters are bombing, so they get James Ingram out of his air-conditioned dressing room.
Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy; Count Floyd - Flaherty; diners - extras; Gerbil - extra; Polyesters - Juul Haalmeyer, Moranis, O'Hara, Blasucci, extra; James Ingram - James Ingram; announcer - staff announcer
5a SCTV Special Presentation: 3-D House of Beef Part 2 148
Floyd kicks the Polyesters off stage. James Ingram performs 'Just Once'. James refuses to play another and goes after Tongue for his money. A Johnny LaRue Production.
Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy; Count Floyd - Flaherty; diners - extras; announcer - staff announcer; Polyesters - Juul Haalmeyer, Moranis, O'Hara, extras; James Ingram - James Ingram
BUMPER "Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present our vice president in charge of network programming, Perini Scleroso, only on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
6 Commercial: Birkney's Diamonds 083
Diamonds can mean anything. "Put your money where your heart is."
Dutch Leonard ('Susan') - Martin; Holly Faun - O'Hara; bar patrons - extras
7 SCTV Movie of the Week: The Vikings and The Beekeepers
The Vikings, tired of the routine of sacking England, attempt to torment the English even more by bringing over bees. But the voyage proves difficult as the beekeepers insist the bees may only travel East at night. Broomhilde, goddess of compromise, offers a solution: bathe, sing and have lunch.
English - extras; Beekeeper leader - Flaherty; Beekeepers - Doug Steckler, extras; Olaf, the Captain - Thomas; Vikings - Moranis, Candy, Levy, extras; Broomhilde - O'Hara; announcer - alternate announcer; Narrator - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Johnny LaRue's Pajama Party announcer - alternate announcer
Credits - 'Ride of the Valkries'
Emmy nomination: outstanding writing in a variety or music program
A series of superb Christmas sketches linked by an ongoing SCTV staff party, and Johnny LaRue's Christmas crane shot epic.
Additional Viewing: Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite combines pretty much every Neil Simon movie ever made, including California Suite, The Goodbye Girl, and Only When I Laugh, with The Nutcracker. The Orson Welles dialog was inspired by an actual tape of out-takes of Orson doing voiceovers for television commercials.
Syndication Note: Fireside Chat was cut from syndication; the Staff Party and Sammy Maudlin sketches were edited in syndication; the closing music was changed to Bach.
OPENING
1 Promo: Liberace's Musical Tribute to the Holidays 129
Liberace performs "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson. Also featuring a memorable piano duel with Elton John, a song from Ethel, and a monologue ("Good King Wenceslas") from Orson Welles.
Liberace - Thomas; Elton John - Moranis; Orson Welles - Candy; Ethel Merman - Martin; muscular elf - extra
2 SCTV Staff Party Part 1 132
Maureen is checking cards at the door. Gerry Todd is shooting some video of the event, a video record, if you will. Tex and Edna arrive, passing out Boil Bucks, and start off the evening's entertainment with the Auctioneer's Song. Some other vignettes - Earl trying to cut into the liquor line; the N Neat Guy at the bar. LaRue arrives with some gerbils, half in the bag. Caballero sends him out into the street to do Streetbeef.
Maureen Wallace - O'Hara; Gerry Todd - Moranis; Tex Boil - Thomas; Edna Boil - Moranis; Earl Camembert - Levy; Johnny LaRue - Candy; Edith Prickley - Martin; N Neat Guy - Flaherty; Nikki - O'Hara; miscellaneous staff, gerbils - John McAndrew, extras
BUMPER Promo: Sammy Maudlin announcer - staff announcer
3 Great White North: Beer Nog 129
Doug has a special Christmas theme. Tip for getting out of drinking egg nog. An anecdote about a turkey. They exchange gifts (smokes!). Tree decorations.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
2a SCTV Staff Party Part 2 132
Some more vignettes: Tex finishing off an epic song to general indifference; Edith and Lola talking about old movies; Brian Johns at the bar. Tex gives Gerry a steadycam. Tongue gets a dog from Norman and shows him a 3D effect. Gerry Todd slips on a banana peel and smashes his steady cam. Edith trades barbs with Nikki, the butch bartender; Tang arrives and Nikki takes a long drag off of his joint. As a result, Tang convinces her to come with him to the Doorway to Hell set. Norman Gorman's running a hot dog stand - he asks Bittman what the hell "How Are Ya!" supposed to be. Bittman responds: "It's a signature!"
Gerry Todd - Moranis; Tex Boil - Thomas; Edna Boil - Moranis; Edith Prickley - Martin; Lola Heatherton - O'Hara; Nikki - O'Hara; Brian Johns - Levy; Dr Tongue - Candy; Norman Gorman - Flaherty; Bobby Bittman - Levy; miscellaneous staff - extras
BUMPER Promo: Fireside Chat announcer - staff announcer
4 Fireside Chat: Christmas Message
The mayor went shopping with the missus.
Tommy Shanks - Candy; announcer - staff announcer
5 The Sammy Maudlin Show: Neil Simon Part 1 131
Sammy sings 'Here Come Santa Claus' from the top, but has to stop due to a coughing fit. After an interlude, Sammy promises to stop smoking one day. William and Sammy talk about Christmas, before bringing out their first guests, Neil Simon and his wife Marsha Mason (who Sammy keeps calling Pamela), who have just finished their latest project, "Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite", a name that really cracks Sammy and William up, unlike Simon's line about Jane Russell's cross your heart bra.
Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; William B Williams - Candy; Neil Simon - Thomas; (Pamela) Marsha Mason - Martin; announcer - staff announcer
6 Commercial: Frank Incense 132
Disguise unwanted odours with Frank (Sinatra) Incense.
announcer - staff announcer
5a The Sammy Maudlin Show: Neil Simon Part 2 131
Neil and Marsha set up an out-take from their new special, which was cut by the director.
Out-take: Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite
Marsha Mason - Martin
While chatting, the Christmas tree catches fire.
Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; William B Williams - Candy; Neil Simon - Thomas; (Pamela) Marsha Mason - Martin; crew - crew; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite announcer - staff announcer
Christmas BUMPER "Coming up on SCTV, Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite." announcer - staff announcer
7 Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite Part 1 131
A presentation of SCTV Cable and Ugazzo Home Vision. Madison and his wife arrive at the hotel only to find they aren't booked. Madison gets some mileage out of the cross your heart bra line, and gets a suite. Richard Dreyfuss is in their suite. Mrs Madison gets a little hysterical because her husband never wrote her a Broadway play. He puts her to bed, and sits down to write the last act of the new play he's written for her, and falls asleep. He wakes at midnight to find a giant mouse raiding his fridge. The nutcracker prince shows up.
Marsha Mason as Jennifer Madison - Martin; Judd Hirsch as Neil Madison - Levy; Alan Alda as The Nutcracker Prince - Flaherty; Richard Dreyfuss - Moranis; Reception - Candy; cab driver, room service - extras; hotel guests - extras; announcer - staff announcer
Christmas BUMPER: "The Nutcracker Suite with Alan Alda, Judd Hirsch, and Marsha Mason will continue in a moment." announcer - staff announcer
7a Neil Simon's Nutcracker Suite Part 2 131
The Prince invites Madison to his room, the Nutcracker Suite. They run into Dreyfuss on the way, ranting about sharks in the hotel pool. Inside, they meet the Snowflake King and the Sugar Plum Fairy, who complains about typecasting. Madison gets the ending for his play, and is woken by the alarm clock. A finished script is sitting next to his typewriter. Marsha wakes, and Neil gives her the script.
At the producer's office, however, Epstein lets him have it for writing "this bomb". Despite this, Marsha still loves him, because he's the best writer in all the land. The play ends (the office scene, as it turns out, is on stage), and they take a bow. The play is a hit after all. As they leave the hotel, they run into Dreyfuss, who is dragged away by men in white coats. They hail the same cab as Caine and Smith; Alda's driving the cab.
Marsha Mason as Jennifer Madison - Martin; Judd Hirsch as Neil Madison - Levy; Michael Caine as the Snowflake King - Thomas; Maggie Smith as the Sugar Plum Fairy - O'Hara; Alan Alda as The Nutcracker Prince - Flaherty; Richard Dreyfuss - Moranis; James Coco as Eppy Epstein - Candy; New Yorkers, mouse - extras; passerby - John McAndrew, extra; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Street Beef announcer - staff announcer
2b SCTV Staff Party Part 3 132
Tang and Nikki leave the Doorway to Hell set. Gerry gets a Christmas message from Camembert. Tongue tries to get Lola to do a 3D musical script he wrote.
Lin Ye Tang - Thomas; Nikki - O'Hara; Bobby Bittman - Levy; Earl Camembert - Levy; Gerry Todd - Moranis; Lola Heatherton - O'Hara; Dr Tongue - Candy; miscellaneous staff - extras
8 Street Beef: Christmas Part 1 132
LaRue's topic is commerciality in Christmas. There's nobody on the street, the shops are closed, The Red Ox Inn, formerly The Beef and Booze, is also closed (and LaRue's forgotten his key). The crew runs off on him.
Johnny LaRue - Candy; crew - John McAndrew, extras
Christmas BUMPER "Stay tuned for more of Johnny LaRue's Street Beef live on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
Christmas BUMPER "This is SCTV, your Christmas comedy network." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: "To Boomtown with Love, starring the Boomtown Rats. Next Year on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
8a Street Beef: Christmas Part 2 132
LaRue's set up the camera and microphone himself, and gives a classic rambling monologue about how he had to beg for every crane shot he ever got, before passing out. He is awakened by Santa, who's brought him a crane. (music is 'Zadok the Priest' by Handel)
Johnny LaRue - Candy; Santa Claus - himself
BUMPER Promo: Dusty Towne Sexy Holiday Special
9 Dusty Towne Sexy Holiday Special 130
Dusty's first special, and first TV show. She gets things rolling with a song and a story. Marcie performs a suggestive dance. Dusty does her own special medley of Christmas hits (Ricky keeps jumping on the punch line). Dusty and Divine have quite a rapport. Divine's brought a Christmas tape: "Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me" on ice (complete with pink flamingoes). Dusty recites "The Night Before Christmas".
Dusty Towne - O'Hara; Marcie Odette - Martin; Divine - Candy; Juul Haalmeyer Dancers - Juul Haalmeyer, Bob Dolman, Doug Steckler, Mert Rich, Ivan Lynch, extras; Wally Hung Trio: Drums (Ricky) - Moranis; Wally Hung on Korg Organ - Paul Flaherty; Bass - Dick Blasucci; announcer - staff announcer
Christmas BUMPER: Orson Welles speaks for all mankind 129
Orson Welles - Candy
2c SCTV Staff Party Part 4 132
Caballero and Needle discuss syndication, and are filmed by Gerry Todd, who's also intrigued by the concept... They laugh maniacally for a bit. Guy gets a Christmas bomb from Big Jim and Billy Sol. Lola does a song ("White Christmas") and they all join in for a final crane shot, courtesy of LaRue.
Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Bill Needle - Thomas; Gerry Todd - Moranis; Bobby Bittman - Levy; Lola Heatherton - O'Hara; Edith Prickley - Martin; Dr Tongue - Candy; Earl Camembert - Levy; Johnny LaRue - Candy
2d SCTV Staff Party Part 5 132
Bob and Doug are late - everyone's gone. They decided to get loaded before getting there. Roll credits (music is once again 'Zadok the Priest' by Handel).
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
In January of 1982, NBC aired three specials billed as THE BEST OF SCTV. Thanks to Gerald Schranz, here are the sketches that aired:
Best Of SCTV 1 (16 January 1982, preempting Saturday Night Live)
1. Dr. Schekter (4/1-7)
2. Comment with David Brinkley: Quality Smoke (3-22)
3. Leave It to Beaver 25th Anniversary Party (1-15)
4. John McEnroe for Coffee (4/1-8)
5. Katharine Hepburn for Twillings Tea (4/2-6)
6. The Merv Griffith Show from Mayberry (4/1-6)
7. The National Midnight Star (4/1-6)
8. Indira, live at the Akron Arena (4/1-2)
9. Great White North (3-21)
10. The Fishin' Musician: The Tubes (4/1-8)
11. The Brooke Shields Show (4/1-6)
12. Cooking with Edith Prickley (2-17)
13. Tex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse (2-17)
14. What's My Shoe Size? (2-11)
15. Dr. Cheryl Kinsey (1-5)
16. Perry Como: Still Alive (4/2-1)
17. Play It Again, Bob (3-7)
18. SCTV sign-off with Mel Torme (3-12)
Best Of SCTV 2 (22 January 1982)
1. Message From Guy: Arabs (2-7)
2. Got a Minute? with Sid Dithers (3-16)
3. High Q (2-9)
4. The Johnny LaRue Show (probably from #1-1)
5. Point/Counterpoint: Alcoholism (3-2)
6. My Fair Lady (3-1)
7. Great White North (3-8)
8. Long Distance (2-14)
9. Danny Eubanks - Seminarian/Rookie Cop (3-5)
10. The Sammy Maudlin Show: On the Waterfront (2-19)
11. Dr. Chet Vet (2-19)
12. Graft Cheese (2-22)
13. Hats of the West (2-14)
14. Bad Acting in Hollywood (2-13)
15. Alpha Channel (3-18)
16. The Irwin Allen Show (3-15)
17. Tomorrow Today Tonight (3-19)
Best Of SCTV 3 (29 January 1982)
1. English for Beginners (1-2)
2. Harry Filth (1-25)
3. Taxi Driver (Gregory Peck) (3-11)
4. Lola Heatherton in Concert (2-1)
5. Sid Dithers - Private Eye (2-13)
6. Taxi Driver (Woody Allen) (3-15)
7. Video Piracy (Star Wars) (3-13)
8. Videotech (3-13)
9. How the Middle East Was Won (2-7)
10. Taxi Driver (Sid Dithers) (3-21)
11. Fillips Milk of Amnesia (1-18)
12. Quincy: Cartoon Coroner (3-20)
13. The Dick Cavett Show (3-8)
14. Biller Hi-Lite (2-13)
15. Harvey K-Tel's Fast-Talking Playhouse (3-2)
16. Great White North: Star Wars (3-13)
17. The Young and The Wrestling (3-4)
18. Death Takes No Holiday (2-16)
19. Joni Mitchell: For Dogs Only (3-13)
20. Money Talks: Mr. Douglas (3-4)
21. Yellowbelly (2-11)
22. Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Whispers of the Wolf (2-12)
Robin Duke and Tony Rosato were not credited as performers, although they appeared in several of the above sketches.
Some more excellent sketches, anchored by the To Sir With Love parody Teacher's Pet, featuring The Boomtown Rats. The back end of the show features some repeats introduced as 'SCTV Classics'.
Additional Viewing: Teacher's Pet, referred to as "To Boomtown With Love" in a bumper in the previous episode, is a parody of the 1967 movie To Sir With Love and Blackboard Jungle (1955). Cookie's song is 'Teacher's Pet', a Doris Day number from 1957 and featured in the 1958 movie of the same name starring Day and Clark Gable.
Syndication Note: The Farm Report performance by the Boomtown Rats was edited out in syndication
DVD Note: Music and announcer for the Davey Crockett Fur ad at the end of Ben Hur has been replaced. The music for Wishbone's walk on ('Rawhide') in The Lone Ranger Show has been replaced.
OPENING
1 Promo: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Dr. Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes 159
Count Floyd shows a clip of Dr Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes. He's not particularly scared, so he shows another clip.
Clip: Dr Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes
Dr Tongue offers pancakes and syrup.
Dr Tongue - Candy
Count Floyd - Flaherty
2 Promo: Give 'Em Hell, Bess 148
She was a Queen, but first she was a woman.
Edith Prickley as Queen Elizabeth - Martin; Sir Walter Raleigh - Thomas; Leichester - Flaherty; guard - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Farm Film Blow-Up announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER
3 Farm Film Report: Brooke Shields and The Boomtown Rats 150
Brooke tells a preserve joke, sings a song ('Young Turks'), and blows up. Big Jim and Billy Sol introduce the celebrity band. The Boomtown Rats come out and sing a song ("Never in a Million Years"). Jim and Billy decide to blow them up. (Boomtown Rats segment cut in syndication.)
Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Brooke Shields - O'Hara; The Boomtown Rats: Johnny Fingers - keyboards, Gary Roberts - Guitar, Pete Briquette - Bass, Simon Crowe - Drums, Bob Geldof - vocals
BUMPER Promo: Teacher's Pet announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER
4 PSA: Video - Use It, Don't Abuse It 102
Gerry Todd shows how real life can be as good as video by turning off the monitors, getting out of the house, driving around, and going to a car wash. Sponsored by Concerned Parents of Melonville.
Gerry Todd - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
5 Great White North: The Great White North 133
The Great White North, including the 3 Great Lakes, the provinces and the Maritimes.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
BUMPER Promo: Shoot for the Stars announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Stay tuned for more late-night comedy on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "Coming to you by satellite, this is SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
6 Shoot for the Stars with Bill Needle 118
Bill's new show gets up close and personal with the stars. First, after slavishly praising him, he takes Rupert Holmes apart for writing a song about booze and kicks him off the show. Then, after slavishly praising him, he takes Chuck Mangione apart for coming on to his show dressed like a pimp, and boots him off too.
Bill Needle - Thomas; Rupert Holmes - Levy; Chuck Mangione - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: The Lone Ranger Show announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV, the all-comedy network. Why?" announcer - staff announcer
7 SCTV Movie of the Week: Teacher's Pet Part 1 152
Zachary, the new teacher at a very rough school, arrives at the Staff Room. In his classroom, the students are running wild. He tries to take command, but the students are difficult. He storms out and returns to the Staff Room, where the other teachers are barricaded. He comes up with a plan. The next day, he impresses them with some swordplay. However, Denholm, who arrives late, turns out to be a tough nut to crack.
Ricardo Montalban as Peter Zachary - Levy; Jackson (Phys Ed) - Candy, Pinney - Moranis; Mr. Timis (Principal) - Thomas; Mr Denholm - Bob Geldof; Sara Gould as Pamela (The Student Body) - O'Hara; Cookie - Martin; Students - The Boomtown Rats (Johnny Fingers - keyboards, Gary Roberts - Guitar, Pete Briquette - Bass, Simon Crowe - Drums), extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "You may think you're watching television, but this is SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER
7a SCTV Movie of the Week: Teacher's Pet Part 2 152
Zachary has started to reach the students - but he's decided to leave and become a masseuse in the Caribbean. The kids prepare a surprise party for him. The boys play a song ("Elephants' Graveyard"). Cookie sings a farewell.
Ricardo Montalban as Peter Zachary - Levy; Jackson (Phys Ed) - Candy; Pinney - Moranis; Mr. Timis (Principal) - Thomas; Mr Denholm - Bob Geldof; Sara Gould as Pamela (The Student Body) - O'Hara; Cookie - Martin; Students - The Boomtown Rats (Johnny Fingers - keyboards, Gary Roberts - Guitar, Pete Briquette - Bass, Simon Crowe - Drums), extras
BUMPER Promo: Ben Hur announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "The comedy continues on SCTV, right after this." announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "We'll make you see stars on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
8 SCTV Classics Intro
announcer - staff announcer
9 Ben-Hur Part 1 (R1)
Ben kills the Roman governor while throwing rocks with his childhood friend Mazola and he and his family are taken into custody. Ben is visited by the Lord; while a galley slave he saves the Roman admiral and is granted his freedom.
Narrator - Thomas; Gluteus (Guard) - Thomas; Maximus (Guard) - Levy; Curly Howard as Ben Hur - Candy; Mazola - Ramis; Mrs Hur - O'Hara; Hur's Sister - Martin; Anonymous centurion - Flaherty; Sadistic Centurion - Flaherty; Volunteer Slave - Levy; The Lord - Sheldon Patinkin; Slave - Rosato
BUMPER "Don't leave that chair, we'll be right back." announcer - staff announcer
9a Ben-Hur Part 2 (R1)
Hur wins the chariot race. Mazola dies; Ben gets directions to find his mother and sister. Ben Hur finds his mother and sister; the Lord heals them.
Narrator - Thomas; Gluteus (Guard) - Thomas; Maximus (Guard) - Levy; Curly Howard as Ben Hur - Candy; Mazola - Ramis; Centurion - Flaherty; Mrs Hur - O'Hara; Hur's Sister - Martin; The Lord - Sheldon Patinkin
10 Commercial: Special Offer - Fur from Davy Crockett's Hat
Pitch man - Thomas
BUMPER Promo: Clips from Show 96 "Next week, late night comedy at its best on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer
11 The Lone Ranger Show (R3)
The Ranger does his monologue; they do the 'Visitor from the East' bit; Kip Addotta comes out with sub-standard material, gets hog-tied and branded; Wishbone comes out and, just as he's about to reveal who's responsible for rustling cattle, takes an arrow. The Ranger rushes off to investigate.
Tanto - Flaherty; Lone Ranger - Moranis; Doc Watson - Rosato; Kip Addotta - Moranis; Wishbone - Thomas; Freddie de Cordova (Man in suit) - Flaherty; cattlemen - extras; announcer - Moranis
BUMPER "You're watching the SCTV Network." announcer - staff announcer
Credits - William Tell Overture as Freddie de Cordova walks on to the Lone Ranger set
The Midnight Video Special updates the Midnight Special to the video age; Midnight Special was the show that SCTV Network replaced on NBC. The other major sketch is Johnny LaRue's All Girl Friday Night Pajama Party, which features an unusual structure with running commentary from battling critics Cheryl Kinsey and Bill Needle. Blood Sucking Monkeys was actually improvised by Flaherty at the end of shooting Series 3, but sat on the shelf until being used in this episode. Once again, the back end of the show features repeats introduced as 'SCTV Classics'; the announcer and theme music for Logos Galore is changed from the original.
Syndication Note: Most of this show was cut, including Comment, Sunrise Semester, One On the Town, and All Girl Friday Night Pajama Party
DVD Note: 'Zip a De Doo Dah' was cut from the start of Norman White and The White Scat Chorale
1 Commercial: Norman White and The White Scat Chorale 087
Indigenous white American music, white scat singing the way it was meant to be heard. "Shaboom Shaboom", "Ink a Dink a Do", etc.
Norman White - Levy; Scat singers - Edmonton Sunshine Singers; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre announcer - staff announcer
2 Comment with David Brinkley: Music Impersonators
David saw four no talent guys impersonating the Ink Spots, and wonders why all the great rock acts (The Platters) are being ripped off by charlatans.
David Brinkley - Moranis; announcer - staff announcer
3 Commercial: Rent-A-Retort/Hire-A-Harpie 140
Hire someone to help you with those marital arguments. Rent a Retort: 'Leave the replies to us.' Hire a Harpie: 'We'll keep your end up.'
Husband - Moranis; Wife - Martin; Retort - Thomas; Harpie - O'Hara; Retort announcer - staff announcer; Harpie announcer - female staff announcer
4 Sunrise Semester: Lake Monsters with Angus Crock
Is there a monster in your lake? It's a good way to make money. Angus made big bucks selling garbage to tourists at his lake in the summer.
Angus Crock - Thomas; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER: Edith Prickley for Midnight Video Special
Edith Prickley - Martin
5 Midnight Video Special 123
Gerry's hosts a music video show from his advent screen. He talks a bit to the audience, then shows video from Talking Heads.
Video: Talking Heads - Once In a Lifetime
Gerry goes live to Tim Ishimuni in Tokyo for the satellite report. Tim's got a scoop on a new Japanese microcam and video from The Plastics.
Video: The Plastics - Top Secret Man
Gerry gives a short editorial on Japanese technology and the importance of sticking with domestically produced products. Tim breaks in on Gerry's signal with superior technology and takes over the show. Gerry fights back ("Mayday, mayday, I am under video attack"). The signal breaks down completely. The moral - beware of the Silent Enemy:
Clip: CCCP1 Bumper / Today Is Moscow (R4)
Valeri Cometsky - Moranis; Ivan Mahailov - Thomas; announcer - Moranis
Gerry Todd - Moranis; Tim Ishimuni - Thomas; Wolf Man Jack announcer - Moranis; audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: All Night Pajama Party announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: fast, courteous, professional and discrete" announcer - staff announcer
6 All Girl Friday Night Pajama Party Part 1
Johnny (wearing an ERA button) introduces his new show, made expressly for women. Dr Kinsey, observing the show on TV, interjects with what turns out to be her fifth lecture on arrested adolescence in the middle-aged male. She describes LaRue's show as a classic example of male hysteria. Returning to the show, she provides running commentary over the towel fashion show and Alistair Cooke's arrival.
Johnny LaRue - Candy; Alistair Cooke - Flaherty; Cheryl Kinsey - Martin; Randi, Amber, Dakota - extras; LaRue Productions Gerbil - extra; announcer - staff announcer
7 Commercial: K-I-L Ammo
When a man wants to kill a duck, you want to kill it clean. Gil Fisher knows. "The ammo of the pros."
Gil Fisher - Candy; chick with duck - extra; announcer - staff announcer
6a All Girl Friday Night Pajama Party Part 2
Continuing her exploration of Johnny's libido, a pizza arrives and the girls start girl fighting as Alistair looks on. Bill Needle cuts in, however, to criticize Kinsey's review, and cites the show's good ratings. And he figures that, even though a woman's show, there's a lot here for men as well. He returns to the show for the bedtime story and conclusion.
Johnny LaRue - Candy; Alistair Cooke - Flaherty; Cheryl Kinsey - Martin; Bill Needle - Thomas; Randi, Amber, Dakota - extras; Pizza delivery girl - extra; announcer - staff announcer
8 Commercial: Al's Garage
It's always a good time for a tune up. 'Any time at all.'
Calendar girls - extras; mechanic - extra; announcer - staff announcer
6b All Girl Friday Night Pajama Party Epilog
Outside the studio, dozens of women are picketing LaRue, and they pelt him with garbage as he runs to his limo.
Johnny LaRue - Candy; chauffeur, picketers - extras
BUMPER Promo: One On the Town announcer - staff announcer
9 One on the Town: Singles Bars Part 1
Earl investigates the Singles bar scene, to see how permissive it really is. He interviews the bartender and waiter, while trying to pick up chicks with some lame pickup lines.
Earl Camembert - Levy; woman at bar - extra; husband; extra; other singles - extras; Don the bartender - extra; Nick the waiter - extra; announcer - Moranis, staff announcer
10 Fireside Chat: Special Announcement 141
Mayor Shanks was thinking he doesn't get a chance to chat with us much, and just wanted to say hi.
Tommy Shanks - Candy; announcer - staff announcer
9a One on the Town: Singles Bars Part 2
Earl, slightly drunk and his evening a failure, concludes that the singles bar scene is a myth.
Earl Camembert - Levy; singles - extras; announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER Promo: Lust for Paint announcer - staff announcer
11 Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Blood-Sucking Monkeys 095
Floyd's ready to show "Blood-Sucking Monkeys from West Mifflin Pennsylvania", but is informed they don't have the film. So Floyd tells the story.
Count Floyd - Flaherty; Stage Hand - extra
12 Great White North: The Space Arm/Snow Routes 090
Doug wonders if the space arm, made in Canada, can be used to open beers, while Bob has a topic about snow routes. They argue about who had the best topic.
Bob McKenzie - Moranis; Doug McKenzie - Thomas
BUMPER Promo: Alfred Hitchcock Presents announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "You're watching SCTV, the all comedy network." announcer - staff announcer
13 SCTV Classics Intro
From Guy Caballero's vault.
announcer - staff announcer
14 Lust for Paint Part 1 (R1)
Toulain paints at the local cafe, on their tablecloths. He declares his love for Lagalou, but is humiliated. He meets Marie in the street and takes her back to his studio.
Toulain - Flaherty; Lagalou - O'Hara; Coucou - Ramis; Waiter - Candy; dancers, diners - extras; Marie - Martin; announcer - staff announcer
15 Promo: Fish Police (R2)
"Stop or I'll cast!"
Woman who loses watch - O'Hara; Fish Police - Thomas, Levy, Candy; Announcer - staff announcer
14a Lust for Paint Part 2 (R1)
Toulain falls for Marie's charms. Her boyfriend arrives and beats him up. Marie has left him - Toulain turns to drink. His father visits. Marie returns to try and get some more cash out of him.
Toulain - Flaherty; Baboon - Candy; Marie - Martin; Waiter - Ramis; Monet - Thomas; Degas - Levy; Father - Flaherty; diners - extras
BUMPER "The highly emotional Lust for Paint continues in a moment." announcer - staff announcer
14b Lust for Paint Part 3 (R1)
Lagalou has hit hard times. Toulain helps her out, but is humiliated and collapses.
Toulain - Flaherty; Waiter - Ramis; Lagalou - O'Hara; Monet - Thomas; Degas - Levy; diners - extras
16 Commercial: Logos Galore (R3)
We want to help you find a suitable logo for your organization.
Pitch Man - Moranis
14c Lust for Paint Part 4 (R1)
Toulain has strange dreams on his death bed. His father comes and tells him his paintings are in the Louvre.
Toulain - Flaherty; Lagalou - O'Hara; Coucou - Ramis; Marie - Martin; Monet - Thomas; Degas - Levy; Babe Ruth - Candy; Father - Flaherty; Doctor - extra; announcer - staff announcer
17 Alfred Hitchcock Presents (R2)
Hitch introduces the show. (Combined with a bumper announcement.)
Alfred Hitchcock - Candy; Announcer - staff announcer
17a Alfred Hitchcock Presents (R2)
Straight into the show.
Murder Is Bad for Your Health
Cecil brings Cynthia to the top of a cliff to toss her over the side.
Notes: Written and produced by Ernest Kirsch
Rodney Cockney as Cecil - Flaherty; Lucy Parpouzian as Cynthia - Martin
Hitch sums up with a quick re-enactment of his best films.
Alfred Hitchcock - Candy; Announcer - staff announcer
BUMPER "SCTV: programming for the free world." announcer - staff announcer
Credits
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